We hear this every time – “just be happy” or “you only live once”…Sometimes it’s hard to think this when you are in a terrible mood, right? I mean nobody is perfect but if you at least tell yourself this and try to make your life and yourself a better person, I think that counts the most…
I remember vividly in the summer of 2009 when my dad ended up in the hospital due to stomach pains. He couldn’t walk and was doubling in pain. We were in the North Shore hospital while my dad went through every testing possible. Finally they couldn’t figure it out so they sent him to University of Chicago Hospital for more testing. I remember visiting him since my mom was busy taking care of work. It was really hard cause I knew my dad was lonely, it was either me or his sister (my aunt) visiting. I thought my dad would be okay, I mean we put all our trust in doctors right? Why do they go to all those years of schooling for?
When my dad’s internal doctor from Univ of Chicago finally said it could be liver cancer, we went through every possible option. Transplant? Chemo? We had to discuss this with the liver specialists the next day.
Waiting in the room with my dad for the doctors was torture. Doctors walked in with x-rays. Pointed at some dots on the film. No options for daddy. Only few months to live. Shock.
As many of my friends know, I am a very private person. I didn’t tell anyone except my then boyfriend about my dad’s condition until several months he passed away. I was still shocked, how could this happen to MY daddy? Why not someone else’s dad? He was the sweetest and funniest dad in the world and why did God have to take him away? I was angry at God, my dad’s doctors and everyone else in the world. It didn’t help the fact that I was closer to my dad than my mom. My dad always rooted for me, no matter what the case. He was my #1 fan and I was his. I went through depression for the longest time, I cried A LOT. No, I didn’t want any help, I wanted to get through this by myself and you know what? I did. It was the hardest thing I had to go through – my dad passing away and my depression. But I when I look back at this, I realize that it has made me a stronger person. If I feel like I am going through a hard moment, I think about how I overcame this and I realize that my current moment is nothing compared to the past and that if I survived my dad and my depression, I can conquer anything….
When my dad passed, I was so afraid of dying because of the unknown. What will happen to me when I die? But I eventually somehow defeated my horrible thoughts. I am not afraid of dying anymore. If I die, at least I know I lived happy and the way I wanted…
I learned that life really is short, you never know when it will end and it’s not worth to worry about the silly crap. LIVE IN THE MOMENT, not the future or past… Cherish these moments including your loved ones. Most importantly, BE HAPPY. Life is fantastic when you are happy….
Picture – my mom, me, daddy, sis, grandma, & grandpa. RIP Daddy, Grandma, & Grandpa. I love you Dad and there is not a day when I don’t think about you…
xx
Love and Puppies 